ADOLESCENCE: Communication, living together and well-being in the digital age.

This month we would like to recommend the miniseries Adolescence, available on Netflix, to all families. It deals with issues that are central to teenagers’ lives, but it is just as relevant for parents of younger children, since many of these patterns start to take shape in childhood.

The series invites us to reflect on key questions that affect students’ emotional, social and academic development. In this article we highlight four topics we consider essential: communication within the family, bullying, the use of social media, and socialization.

1. The importance of family communication

One of the most valuable things Adolescence shows is the need to create an atmosphere of open communication at home. However, this communication should not rest solely on constantly asking our sons and daughters how they are, what they have done or what they think.

What really works —and what usually makes the difference— is for parents to share how they feel, what they have experienced during the day, what worries them or what they think about particular topics.

Telling is always more effective than asking when it comes to creating the right atmosphere for deep conversation. When children are small, our example encourages them to share, and they grow used to living in a home where anything can be talked about: experiences, feelings, reactions, opinions…

Perhaps in the preteen years we notice that our sons and daughters open up less, but we must keep communicating so as not to close that door, because sooner or later they will walk through it again.

Talking and communicating passes on values, strengthens emotional bonds and reduces anxiety and stress, at any stage of life.

That is why, instead of interrogating, it is more valuable to start by telling: “Today at work I had a problem that left me feeling frustrated” or “This morning I had a conversation that made my day because…”. When this becomes a family habit, it creates a safe space where communication flows spontaneously and naturally.

To encourage this kind of exchange, it is a very good idea to set aside a moment every day to share as a family. Dinner, for example, is ideal for this, and lingering at the table afterwards can be the best tool for strengthening these bonds.

2. Bullying and disconnection in schools

The miniseries shows starkly how bullying —and micro-bullying— has become part of everyday life in some schools, especially those where there is a wide gap between teachers and students. Schools that are too big, and that allow phones and social media, create a great emotional distance between students and teachers, and among the students themselves.

In Adolescence, disrespect, mockery and abuse are common at school and go unchecked; the adults have become immune to them, there is a sense of resignation about them, and the students accept it, defenseless, as an inevitable part of their day. As if none of it had terrible consequences. Until the problem is already too serious and cannot be undone…

This reality reminds us how important it is to create educational environments where support and closeness between teachers and students are a priority. That is why mentoring matters so much to us at DAS and is one of the four pillars of our Social Model (mentoring, parliament meeting, JC and community work). Following every aspect of students’ school life lets teachers get to know their students in depth in every part of their day, which makes it easier to spot any emotional, family or social problem early, and to prevent it or step in in time.

Today more than ever, this connection between students and teachers is essential. Without it, nothing else will work quite as it should.

Personal attention, knowing each student well and fostering an atmosphere of trust and respect are key to preventing bullying and encouraging healthy relationships in schools.

3. The internet and a false sense of security

A key issue the series raises is the mistaken belief many families hold about how safe their sons and daughters are when they are at home using the internet.

The fact that a young person spends hours in their bedroom, apparently safe, does not mean they are free from risk. Social media and digital platforms can expose young people to difficult situations such as cyberbullying, inappropriate content or toxic relationships online.

Thinking that our children are safer at home —in their bedroom— than out on the street is an illusion. Children and teenagers need to socialize outside the home and in person.

Social relationships naturally create a certain tension, which can be explained from biology through to psychology. That tension exists for a reason, and our job as humans is to learn to manage it and move beyond it to build enriching, necessary relationships. That only comes with practice.

A closed bedroom with free access to the internet is the perfect defense mechanism for avoiding the work of socializing. And in the medium and long term that harms them, EVEN IF WE DO NOT REALIZE IT. On top of the added harm from the content and situations they are exposed to online.

For this reason we strongly recommend that, as well as providing digital education, families put parental controls in place to regulate access to the internet and social media. Always honestly and with information, never without their knowledge or without giving them the necessary explanations.

Setting times when internet access is switched off —especially at night— can also help young people respect their sleep habits and rest properly. The internet should not be available 24 hours a day; ideally there should be device-free times.

We must not forget that physical well-being directly affects emotional and mental well-being. Biology plays a key role in our mood and even in our choices and decisions. Good sleep hygiene, regular schedules, looking after circadian rhythms and encouraging healthy routines are essential for preventing many emotional and behavioral problems.

Those of us who work in education and psychology know very well that many problems in childhood and adolescence are solved simply by putting proper sleep schedules in place*. But this, like almost everything, begins in early childhood. It can be done later, but it takes more work.

*Remember that in adolescence the right amount of sleep is 10 hours.

4. The importance of facing real life

Finally, the series also invites us to reflect on the value of children and teenagers facing small difficulties in the physical world.

It is important for children and teenagers to step out of their comfort zone —often reduced to their bedrooms and screens— and live experiences that help them develop the skills to solve everyday problems. Getting lost on the subway, handling a conflict with a friend or dealing with something unexpected are situations that strengthen their independence and their ability to get by in the world.

Encouraging our children to have an active social life, to go out, to interact face to face and to take on challenges is key to their personal development. As well as helping them build real friendships, these experiences give them tools to manage their emotions better and resolve conflicts.

As always, we encourage you to let your sons and daughters take part in as many social activities outside the home as possible. Trips, outings, get-togethers at each other’s homes and elsewhere, parties, celebrations, concerts, and sporting, academic or leisure events, always suited to their age, are essential for their healthy development.

We know that nowadays they find it harder to take the initiative, which is why it is also up to families to encourage and help them to step out of the digital “safe zone” and throw themselves into life in person, outside the home.

Conclusions:

The miniseries Adolescence invites us to reflect on the world our sons and daughters are growing up in, completely different from the one we knew at their age, and on the role we can play as families and professionals in guiding them.

Open communication —in which adults lead by sharing their own experiences—, preventing bullying and supporting young people in their use of the internet are essential if they are to grow up in a safe, balanced environment.

At the same time, we must remember how important it is for them to live real experiences away from screens, experiences that let them learn, mature and develop their social skills.

We encourage you to watch this miniseries, ideally together with your teenagers if you have them, and to use it as an opportunity to open up conversations at home. It will undoubtedly be a valuable starting point for strengthening family ties and better understanding the world young people live in today. And, why not, for helping them understand your perspective too.